Some days...

Some days when it rains...its not a bad day...just makes me extra sleepy, lazy...but it might screw me ove
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The hangover - instant classic

Because the movie was set in vegas, that is where all the funny stuff happens. Anything that happens in vegas, stays in vegas and boy was that a trip... Classic for sure
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Beer Brew

Ok so those who dont like the taste of beer (cuze it reminds them of piss), here are a few fixer uppers for you:

Lager and Lime: Add a dash of lime juice or lime cordial to a light lager.

Snakebite: Mix your favorite beer (usually a heavier beer, like stout, works well) half and half with cider.

Black Velvet: Mix stout and champagne, half and half.
Beer Bloody Mary: Mix beer and tomato juice, half and half. Add a dash of Tabasco and a dash of Worcestershire.

Red Eye: Add a shot of tomato juice to any ale or lager (this cocktail is also known as Tomato Beer or a Red Rooster). If you add a splash of Tabasco, the drink becomes a Ruddy Mary.

Liverpool Kiss: Mix a dark beer with Cassis.

BeeSting: Dark beer and orange juice.

Skip and Go Naked: Combine beer, lemon juice and gin, with a dash of grenadine.

Broadway: Popular in Japan, mixing beer and cola is known as a Broadway.

Caribbean Night: Beer and an ounce of coffee liqueur.

South Wind: Beer with a shot of melon liqueur.

Win small constantly or win big in chance?

I refuse to say that loosing your money is fun... The worse would be gambling woth high stakes to loose it within 20sec. Blackjack: yes you could loose but you have a higher chance in winning. If you think small enough you can walk away everyweek with 30? 60? Within 2hrs of play? That's what I call winning the smart way
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OOhhhhh the humanity!!!! Tequila vs Water

Did you know...

That if you eat out at 10$ a plate(incl a drink) that is 50$ a week: 200$ a day. Doing simple grocery: 2$/2l coke + pasta(1.50) + tomato sauce(2.50) + bread(3$) + turkey(6$) =15$ for a 5 day meal... The only way to beat this theory is if you go extra cheap and go to tim horton or mcdee value meal...seems logical but how many people actually does it eh?
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Jennifer's Body

Megan Fox was the stuff in Transfomers BUT with this trailer...holy crap:

Stress management

Best way to relieve stress? Play some video games. Now let me say this: pick a game that you can win or good at. Don't elevate your stress but getting owned. It feels gratifying when you play something, beat the snot rag out of the opposing play and go "take that you mofo!" Ahhhhh. I do find though if you play GTA, u black and you have this big grin after shooting a lot of white people that's just scary.
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Blackberry Tour - Houray for Telus and Bell

Houray for bell and telus people...you guys can now have something that is just as good as the BOLD

Blackberry Tour 9630!!!

check this review out to be amazed and then be welcome into the BB family.

http://crackberry.com/blackberry9630review

Taylor Swift x T-Pain

Leave the kid @ home

If you are waiting for paper works, do not bring your god forsaken annoying kid. It will cry, you will need to entertain it, etc. Imagine the kid cries: big scene, disturbing others.... Get a babysitter for 1hr or drop them off at the folks just don't bring them...think of it as your 1hr of peace...do YOURself a favor!
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At th saaq(dmv)

U sit at the saaq and can't help but wonder: here we have collectively a bunch of future motorist that can't drive. I can judge that 60% of them can't. I'm pretty confident about those number. First all parents with small kids will drive slow and get honked. Then we got the huge immigrant family collectively rooting for their star driver to pass their test: we know tje consequent there...and finally anyone who is about 5ft or under cannot drive because they will be adjusting their booster seat :)
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High speed car chase

That's right. If I see you on the road and your driving my way, I will chase you down to say hi. :)
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Cheap dt dinning

What to do when you require grub and you need a sastisfied meal without loosing ur wallet? Cheap pizza. All hail the 0.99$ pizza slice (of course though it has change to 2.50).
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Aunt Viv Bash Nephew Will

Wow...i knew they kicked her for a reason but wow...

Read the article here as to why the first few season actress that played Aunt Vivian Banks on Fresh Prince was kicked out

http://tvguide.sympatico.msn.ca/TVNews/Articles/090619_will_smith_jerk_MH

Evolution of talking

mail
Phone
Email
Msn
Txt msg
Facebook
Twitter
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Global warming out of whack

Sunday hot. Monday drizzle. I want heat damn it
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Mcdee open late

The mcdonalds that are open late dt I would understand why they are busy. Those late night munchies after drinking all night long. However I live a burrow called parc x which is 20mins north from dt. It is full at 3am in the morning. So I went to the one on st-laurent/jean-talon: full too! What gives!!!! I really felt like driving more north but I was bound to hit up some flat foot and have issues.
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Never gamble alone

Your an addict if you gamble solo. My recommendation is to gamble with others. The advantage here is if you lost some change, your not alone. If you happen to be the winner hey at least ur buds saw it and you want need to stretch the truth.
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Relationship went sour? Don't blame city

"I hate this city because I ran into my ex". F-Off!! Do not blame the city for ur own taste and misery of people you encounter. The city itself did not manufacturer these people you ran into them talked to them and then got peeved...you got a prob? Two choice: make them move or you move. If you moved then keep moving!
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We will shorten everything

Fml, lol, lmao...

I failed an essay once because I wrote "cuze" all over my essay? Swear that these short hand method are ruining society
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The Code - TRailer

Thief Stories are awesome
http://dvd.ign.com/dor/objects/14352161/the-code/videos/thecode_trl_52109.html

The origin of poutine

Its fatning, its heavy, there is virtually no nutritional value. Who came up with the poutine concept!!! Did a lone frenchman was starving to death in the woods with grease and potatoes, decided to combine them and voila? There is no way someone ever tasted these two ingredients added some cheese and then poof we got our national delicacy. Do you know what's far worse than this? The fact no where else on the planet it exist but in quebec? So let me get this straight: usa the most obese country did not phantom the concept of fries, gravy, cheese yet they came up with white castle burgers where you can basically get 10 of them since they are flat and bite size. Go figure
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Alcoholic

Definition
Modern medical definitions^[1] describe alcoholism as a disease and addiction which results in a persistent use of alcohol despite negative consequences.

Hmmm..

So far im pretty sure im not that.

Wrap Around The Corner Frame

Now this thing is actually a nice concept. Ever want to have enough space, just around an edge of the corner to see your photos?

http://photojojo.com/store/awesomeness/wrap-around-corner-frame

Perfect for me, im sure.

Why do...

People show up at a club and don't drink? There should be security going around asking "why r u not drinking?"
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Women Be proud

Of your body. However don't be too proud... If you are fit for a dress size 2 don't fool yourserlf and fit urself into a 0. You think you can compete but we will see ur excess flab. Also a very clear indication that you are not fit for it will be your excess breathing since you will be sucking in your gut... So stop it!!! Or be warned u will be insulted
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You must pass a test...

In order to dance on poles, speakers, ramps and such.
1) Just because you are a certain ethnic does not mean you qualify. 2) you acceptance WILL be base on appearance. 3) you deserve to be booed if you are ugly and u are caught being where u r not suppose to
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Swear Bear

It takes two to go to the bathroom

Dear women, why do you have to go pee in pairs? Its a mini debefrief everytime... You ever see two guys go to the bathroom that are straight? No because someone will yell out:"is the other guy going to hold your balls?"
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Bra-la-palooza

Today is bra-la palooza day. Lasenza is having a sale
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I don't have email?

Ok I'm sorry but I don't believe in people who don't have email unless ur an unborn child... If you are pass the 20+ age u got email. Hell if you touch a computer you got an email... Bs story I don't got email
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Popcorn is expensive and overated

6$? That's a happy meal and ur full! No popcorn is what gets u.. I so don't understand this concept as how this thing ever gotten to that price tag...
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World population Men: 50.29, Women: 49.71

What the hell are those stats? How can u have .29% men??? Didn't the statistic ever took some calculas or basic math? Ever done one of them work out problem where u have to buy something and u have to buy the next whole content and not just a fraction? Well this is the case. Did the computation forgot that a human being is not sliceable?? Or maybe it counted an infant in the womb as a half spawn? No wonder wolfarmalpha search is the next tech flawed
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Gusiness Vs Orange Juice

From AskMen.com

4- Guinness draft has fewer calories than orange juice

Two common misconceptions surround the physical makeup of "the black stuff.” The first is that it's black (officially it has a ruby red color), and the second is that it's a heavy-handed beer, calorie-wise.

The reality is that 12 ounces of the full-bodied, ruby red stuff has just 125 calories, which is less than the same amount of the orange stuff (OJ: 183 calories) and the white stuff (skim milk: 135 calories). It's also less than many popular beers, including regular Budweiser (143), Coors Original (148), Dos Equis (145), Miller Genuine (143), Sam Adams Boston Lager (160), Sierra Nevada Stout (225) and Anchor Porter (205). Even Guinness Foreign Extra Stout, with 176 calories per 12 ounces, is comparatively low in calories.

She Talks - I will drool

Megan Fox on Farts

“If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like—you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.”

- GQ, October 2008

This is why Megan Fox is awesome

Megan Fox on Toilet Ettiqutte

“I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, “Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.”

- FHM, June 2007

Kids needs it

A beating...russell peters said it best: "parents... Beat your kids"
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Shoes observation

Ok I will get shot at for this. Let me set this straight. Women needs 12 pairs and over of shoes. They need flipflops, loafers, comfy, classic, heels, spring, winter, fall, summer, wedding...then of course it has to match a dress.....Men? 4 pair: 1 black casual, 1 formal, 1 sneakers, 1 loafer. That's it. If the guy is smart enough he will choose black since black is a universal color that will fit... The end
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Dear purses

Dear women, stop getting mad @ us for not understanding as to how a purse is so important since we don't understand how it can have everthing but the kitchen sink
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Men fight venus and get spanked

Mars fought venus and lost... Forget this stuff... I never saw a man win an argument. He think he won...a trip to the couch...its an epic constant failure...
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5cents for plastic?

And so it begins.... It will now cost 5cents(or 10) for plastic bags... Good thing my folks were good recycling peep and they always took care of those bags...
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wolverine in review

Its not a terrible movie, however the hype around it is overplayed. What I like the most is how the trailer sucks you in and then when you see the plot: hmmm not much like it... The othe keynote would be that the mush up from ever plotline in the comics was used. I don't quite remember deadpool having optic blast... The movie is dvd potiential and better than X3...but I enjoyed the transformer 2 trailer way more (mayve due to megan fox on a bike)
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The end of the world...soon

Its a cold day in mtl. What happened to spring approaching summer? 1 word: the apocalypse....its abnormal, we are destroying our environment...that's it... The climat is out of whack its the end
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Ur the last winner

Ever heard of this? Your not a looser but your the last winner! Its a way to make a kid feel special... I think that's wrong. That's just bsing the kid. Imagine the real parents telling the truth and then you got this kid come up to you and say "yay I won but I'm last" ... I would have given him a reality check... No your a looser that's what last place means... Improve yourself from your defeat
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Bad music @ the theatre

U know when u wait for the show and you get music? Its crap.... Very crap...my rcommendation is to @ least play the ost of the movie. It might be a marketing incentive but @ least it be better than the new age q92 crap....you know if u watch notorious play some biggie in the theatre. I don't think anyone would object.
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Movie titles ...getting less creative?

Obessed: movie about a white woman obessed with a guy... Original...??? Fighting: about a guy fighting! ....fast and furious.... I don't need to explain that one.... Come on
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Dialing a company asking for call back...

I'm sorry but if you think that a company will call you back with just your # and name...think again...
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Movies...

Movies to watch: star trek. Harry potter, transformer, ice age3, angel + demon$ for now
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Films sequels and spinoff

Ok ill make this short: sometimes they are just milking a franchise. Xme 1-2 great. 3rd: flop. Spider 1 2: great! 3rd: flop. Terminator 1 2: great! Tv and 3rd: flop....indy 4? Flop... Etc etc sometimes its ok but the jokes and the quality somestimes goes down hill
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Crazy people with claws

By the power

By the power of jack, johnny, and captain morgan: give me strength to survive tonights sleepless night of work. Amen
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Sunday...rename it lazyday

Sunday...should be lazy day. Its chill, people wake up late due to club.... Let's not fool ourselves by calling it sunday...its lazy day
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Swine

Stop stereotyping people you ignorant people. God...first sars hit, then omg asian people. Now swine hits: omg mexicans...I can't wait till its a white folk epidemic so I can say "omg! White folks!"
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Animals

Bell Canada loosing customers

Tech news: bell sux ballz. Ha! What do they have excellent customer services. However they must have that since their internet and phone lines are expensive, slow, and monitored. Fact: bell been trying to catch up in speed to videotron cable (or rogers/cogeco) for a decade. Keep trying ... Their line of defense? " U got to use that cale we gave you, u got to be close to the central and use a 6' wire from jack to modem. No tks. Why must I readjust everything so that I can get the net? Cable is the way to go too bad its about $30+ damn it
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The next prez shall be

We got obama for another 8 year(yes, I predict a re-election). After? Ralph Wigum for prez!!!!!
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China will show their peep how they spy - but not others

How nice that China is willing to show how their James Bond ops operates - but of course non Chinese cannot know about our secrets!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30499876/

How to be part of the Cool Stream on Fido

For those who dont know, i've been a loyal Fido Customer since they used to have Nokia 3390....the standard brick nokia where you can easily swap facecovers?? remember those? and then if you really wanted to be pimp, you would swap the standard green LED and in for them Blue neon ones (can use as a flashlight in the end)

Anywho: back in Feb 2009 - fido finally got their Blackberry system back on track with the new Pearl onboard. I had the BOLD from rogers for quite sometime since Oct (traded in from a iphone ver 1 jailbroken....no regrets).

So i got BBM working ...now what to do next?

Here are some tips, if you dont want to pony up on data package.

1) your BB pkg is unlimited - download Windows Live - have free chat.
2) your emails can be linked to your fido.blackberry.com email our your can just add an email address.
3) I have a blackbeery email which receives partial of my gmail items. Within Gmail - go to filters and add a new filter and select the emailers you like to forward a copy to your BB email.
This is practical if you want to stay on top of your notice from Facebook just to be in the loop.

BE WARN: if you do, do that...that means ALL (and i mean ALL) notification from facebook will be foward to you...which is ass if its someone else that u dont know has responded to a comment...(had the unfortunate time of gettoin 25 at one time just because i was tagged in a photo that everyone commented on)

4) Twiiter: 1) use twittermail to send your tweet. 2) use their reply friend to get the last 20 msg of your buddy. 3) you can send pics to tiwttermail in which it will then use twipic to post. Ahhh the beauty of it all!!!!

Enjoy the BB.

A few "hidden" words part 1

Here are a few "hidden" words that i have seen been used a whole lot here and there that needs to be added as a reference to the slang dictionary

+2 Factor: when a chick gets a boob job it increases her value two points on a ten point scale

+2's: fake boobs

30k Milli: a guy who claims he make millions, but really only make around $30k a year and spends all his money on stuff he can't afford; a poser

6 head (5 head): when a person has a enormous forehead (measured in inches)

Afro-Brow: hairy eyebrows

Air biscuit: fart

Cougar-Troll: an ugly cougar

Cougarville: place where cougars come from

Cougarwood: place where famous cougars go

Cougrrrr: Very ugly cougar

Dirty Bird: dirty/sl*tty British chick

Don: a young female gold digger looking for a new wealthy father or sugar daddy

Score Rating - the Reality Check

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik what do ya think about these local beauties, minus the scary looking one on the right.

Total score of 1.656468746.- nik

Taken from Nik Richie

Homer Helicopter - priceless

I denouce the Math Educational system

Grade 10 and 11th Math are now required to have a scientific graphical calculator. Cost: 75$ at least. WTF is that crap?

Seriously, I tutor still for kicks just to get my brain in check. However, I find the system a bit to lax. What is this "your not dumb ur just the last winner". Forget this. Im old school, do a long division that is 2 pages long with 8 decimal numbers.

Should a kid be held back for not doing well in math? No, but it doesnt mean you have to fool the poor kid that he is doing well when he aint!!!

As i always said "If your going to lie to me, lie to me well" (this is originally a quote that i used when i saw how films are made with wire. SCREW THAT I want to pretend they can do those stuff dont show it to me)

Eat this Not that....amazing collection

Its rare to find a book so educational that you have to praise it as if it was a bible. Men's Health: Eat This Not That series is an amazing find. Its the key book to selective dinning without turning into a rabbit. (You know, those people who constantly eat a bowl of lettuce and call that a meal...come on now...)

Here is such an example.

Eat a Ham and Cheese English Muffin and not a MULTIGRAIN bagel with light cream cheese.

Reason: the ham and cheese has protein and less calories no matter how much multigrain that bagel has.

Such satisfaction in knowing this..

The life of WoW

World of warcraft: people say its crack. South park spoofed it well when they saw stan and the gang have no life after getting involve in the game.

Its a fun game! Don't get me wrong. I love it. But to play till you don't know the days of the week it is. That's just dumb
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Life in the coffee lane

West island DDO has a drive through starbucks. Tim hortons is a smart thing to have since it has grub. Starbucks though is just coffee and latte... Come on now. I would only stop bitching about this if they have something similar for the SAQ
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New Way to say hate.

In a nice way instead of saying "screw you", I have invented new ways to say those:

"I pee on you"
"THUNDER FART"
"Rollover and get hit"
"Fat Lady start singing"
"God you owe me one for sunday"

Action movies are too cliché - my ass.

12 Rounds - starring John Cena (WWE Fame) and directed by the guy that made Die Hard 2 - was a flop comparing to Race to Witch Mountain with The Rock.

2 different types of movies, two different types of audience. One is more gritty and one is more family oriented action (its a disney film after all).

So what did the critics do? Compare 12 Rounds to something back in the 90? Please! Everything is so about CGI and the new tech and stuff - but when there is a throwback movie you say "been there done that?" So what? Its another movie its another form of entertainment. At least the plot line premises was good.

Lets see how well it fairs in the video rentals.

Make Up + Hair Dresser + Photoshop = Ownage

North by South West

What’s the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins, “Once upon a time…”
A Southern fairy tale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”

Miss California Lost Crown - Duhhhhhhh

Now lets see - why do people ask these pop quizzes of Intellectual properties to .....pageant people?

To see how much of an airhead we have. Miss Cali - she was blonde....so already she is a strike on the ditz bullseye. HOWEVER her ownly defense was "cuze its wrong" about her final round question - well too bad.

Now EVEN if she was against - a proper argument would have saved it (because just saying stupidity was what costed the crown). The topic was touchy - kind a like the death penalty or something in those lines between two sided moral coin - the whole purpose was "can you defend your opinion on the spot? no? YOU FAIL"

Now go back in your chair and sip on that margarita and I'll see you in Desperate Housewives 16 somewhere in 2034

Chipmunks should croak now....

After last year's success of the digital remake of Alvin and the Chipmunks....youtube been flooded with Chipmunk remixes of popular songs.

QUIT IT ALREADY!

Japanese Game Show - Funny as hell

Here is a nice game show that shows some sort of skillz but its just hilarious to watch.

Note that FOX and BBC have tried to imitate this - however nothing beats the original content.

Dear Bob

Dear coach and gm Bob. You failed. A for winning the cup in your glory days but you failed as our gm and coach. Its time you accept the fact your midas touch left and to leave your seat with dignity. The more you wait, the bigger the riot.
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Gooooo habs go!

You know what. On your 100th anniversary where you hosted the all star game. Your star player got mvp. At least win 1 single playoff game and not get swept!!!! Bunch of @*#?!
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Homer Simpson guarding your food - that doesnt sound right

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10224076-1.html

Those on a diet who can't resist the temptations lurking in the refrigerator will appreciate the Homer Simpson Talking Fridge Guard. Meant to sit on one of your fridge shelves, Homer will recite one of his six canned phrases ("Uh oh. Someone's gonna have a tummy ache!" "Mmmm...fattening") every time you open the door.

Shaolin Templ: Minks and Marine - 2008 Trailer

When a fat man can move like that - respect.

Wanna see how a dynasty walk in shame?

Watch the habs play on their 4th game and it will be the walk of shame towards a golf game

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Service. 1$ savings a day

So I ordered a #58 cartridge for my photoprinter. Saved 6$ off cheapest retail price around. Free pick up. Next to my work. What a disaster. 6 days late. 1$ a day of savings passed by just to save 6$. I ended up doing a price match with bureauengros(staples) since they had it priced higher than futureshop(down the block). So this cartridge is now my back up.

Moral of the story? Service trumps cheapness any day in my books
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People shouldnt lie to the mirroir

Excerpt from www.bennybing.com

"If you’re fat, be fat. Don’t try to lie to the mirror. The mirror doesn’t lie.

I’ve seen many women wearing a wee-bit too tight cloth despite God’s apparent molding to the contrary. All women aren’t intended to wear tight clothing. If you have a gut, put that motherfucking tight shit down. You shouldn’t wear form fitting clothing if you haven’t got any form. We rail on girls with no hips and ass for wearing hip-huggers and then I see women with a little to much pouch-action going. Your tits should be uptop and differentiable from your stomach. Two sets of boobs works great for the circus. Life? Not so much."

Save yourself 20cents...

In the time of needs, save yourself a few coins. For the fellow canadians here remember futureshop and bureauengros(staples) do price matching and discount off the price match.

Look @ both web site. Compare the same product and make sure the item states its in stock. Go in ask for the product and ask for an associate on the floor. Don't hold up the line @ the cash for it. They will need to verify the proof for this anyways so they will need to call it in.

This works on ANY thing they both have. Don't forget too: staples now have ipod and consoles like DS, xbox, etc use this to your advantage. Save your 2$ to be able to tip for that pint for 5 a 7
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Mcdee 24hr

I know there are buget cut problems here and there but how can u justify to have a mcdee line up @ a 24hr mcdee? Explain!
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Failed D.O.B

Ok. No comment but when you go in for a phone call for your folks remember the dob question. That's right I just gave a rang for it and failed to give the correct dob question
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I downgraded to a Blackberry ....MY ASS!

This one goes out to my boy Dwight. Who was AMAZED by the iphone. Got one himself...and when i told him i ditched for a bb Bold...so much hate man. Told me that i "downgraded"

oh yeah?

http://news.cnet.com/8301-13506_3-10219377-17.html

looks like someone is in my shoes too!

Why the line is long

Wtf... How can banking take centuries to do? Why do people just stack their banking and hold up the line wtf.... Deposite, pay, both... What 10mins?
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The brand...

Does one brand of booze better than the other? Yes

"But buddha what if I want to get smashed?"

Its still YES! Just will depends on how much of a hangover and how fast. There is a large difference between domestic vodka and something like SKY or Grey Goose, it just goes down easier...

Now in a club? Different story... For another time
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More Expensive Beer on the Rise?

How can Beer be more expensive in the time of crisis?

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/SaveMoney/7-things-getting-cheaper-7-that-are-not.aspx?slide-number=12

can someone explain this to me?

Why do people start with russians

Vodka. The premier alcohol to start it all. Why? How? First blunder starts with vodka and people drink it proudly... And never deviate until they stumble away... But why does vodka become the first booze u touch?
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Love tech...

Just for those who are very mobile, there are ways to cheat the system.

I have a fido account with only bb access(tk god they wised up)... Emails are unlim, bbm and msn... Now how do I do what I do with those who can web browse? Easy....just activate multiple email catcher ;)....

Now I can blog off the phone and also update my tweets off twitter without sms! Mouhahaha

Just love the workarounds
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Easter...where the bunny at?

So easter passed by and now I wonder... Why is it called easter? Where did this bunny come from? Also since the bunny has to share jesus' resurrection date... Ever wonder who would win in a celebrity deathmatch fight? Eastern bunny vs the holy christ....(Yeah sounds like a good south park eps)
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Family Guy video Break

We need to be green! now thats eerie

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10217274-1.html

hmm...i know we need to be more green but to recycle a bookshelf into a perfect casket? eek.

Montreal is TOP 20 of 29 ASKMEN.com Best City

Shazam people! We are voted #20 out of 29 for Best Cities to live in 2009 Edition. AWESOME! And look at the pint of beer meter 5.67$ YAH MAN!

http://ca.askmen.com/specials/2009_top_29/montreal.html

White folks getting Krunk

Ahhhhh...i love it when there are white people just go all out and become very very stupid.

Let me tell you why its funny.

People who say "lets drink". They drink. They forgot they over spent. They are sleeping now on the counter of the bar where as their friends are just tipsy.

Now what is this guy thinking? "I am in a club where everyone else is drinking..so no one will notice me here and im just plain tired"

Unless you come to the club where this ASIAN guy who takes lots of pictures will spot you MOUAHHHAHAAHHAHAH

SUCKER!

You Want Kung Fu? Fine....

People are so stereotypical of Asians that they think they know you so well due to movies, tv, and sitcom?

Now there are some stuff that i dont mind...but some are just out there.

"Hey you know how to do Kung Fu?"
Answer: no

"Oh come on show me some moves?"
Answer: oh thats right...im just hidding it. I dont want to show you all my moves fear that you may not like it. I swear... what if i dont know martial arts and just pretend like Bart? "Wanna see the touch of death? but i need a victim...wanna be it?"

The best case is when they are in denial for you "no way...come on ..your asian!!!" F.U man....i dont go around QC and ask every french speaking white people "do you want to seperate? come on...dont deny it!!!"

Stupid people - proven

Working off the web you get the idiots, the morons, and the dingbats.

Here are the type of questions that I would receive and my thoughts (i dont actually deal with them but i do express myself to my boss who just enjoys my criticism)

1)"Hello, I dont have my order number on me but i would like the tracking number for UPS please?"
Answer: we dont use UPS, where do you see the word UPS, where do you see the brown man walking with the brown truck? DING BAT.

2)"Hi i placed the order a few days ago. I see that you didnt take the money out of my account can i have a tracking number?"
Answer: you want us to give you product without taking money? Are you ok there buddy?

3)This one is amazingly good...it was written in the bottom of a fresh order. The order was about over 900$USD. "Hi, I dont have a credit card, can you bill me later? tks"...
Answer: "WOW...i want whatever she is having right now on my bad days...that is one awesome bong she is smoking....WOW"

Denoucing Sports Part 2

So, I decided to look up known "professional" sports leagues that I believe should be denounced as its not a sport.

Bowling. You toss a heavy ball and knock down pins. I like the concept that its a game. But a sports?

Cricket. They told themselves if baseball is a national sport...we will spruce it up and call it cricket. WTF where do brown people manage to pick up a 2x4 and swing a ball in Mumbai eh?

Curling. I cannot believe this thing is a sport and a CANADIAN SPORT! Why is this thing a sport? You take a broom and sweep a large oversize puck? Useless purchases "BROOMS"

Handball. Someone want to tell me how tossing ball is a sport? HERE IS A PASS ...I get paid..WTF

Speedway. Anything that has a motor seems to have a sports. Nascar, F1, now Harley davidson has one!!! Come on...Unless im physically in a vehicle, i refuse to acknowledge this to be a sport.

Finally something about you SOCCER people out there.

I want you to repeat after me. ITS CALLED SOCCER. or call it FIFA but I REFUSE TO CALL IT FOOTBALL.
Stop confusing it. Soccer (u kick with your feet) Football (NFL, CFL). There

Denouncing Sports.

I am denouncing the following sports as not being a real sport no matter what you tell me.

1) Golf. You arent playing against someone. You are playing against yourself. Fine there are tournaments and Tiger Woods put this game on the map. HOWEVER...hitting a second tiny ball over and over into a hole, im sorry...but its neither exciting or interesting. The only i can recommend is that it makes a very nice Coors Light Commercial to stare at.

2) Nascar and F1 racing. You do a LEFT TURN...a RIGHT TURN..Zoom zoom...im sorry, being a guy and all i love cars...but i love CARS THAT I CAN BUY. You do a turn its not exciting...lets put a few bodies you know...or a second chance to convicts. Yes lets turn this into a demolishing derby and if the convicts survive being chase down by a car...i say they stand a chance at parrol. NOW THATS A SPORT! but currently, no i dont believe nascar, f1 racing is a sport, but its a nice attraction for tourism.

3)70% of the olympic games in Summer arent sports.
a) Swimming: houray for Michael Phelps. But im sorry...swimming in a pool not that cool. How about if i add a few sharks in there...and see if you can really push yourself. For training of course you would go against a pirahna.
b) Running. Bolt: gratz on the gold BUT they make you curve someimes...no it should be like drag racing..one straight continuous line on a real street or in the sand. Thats real running.
c) The sport where u run and shoot...Im sorry but it only counts as a game if your hunting an animal. The worse is that if this was the case, PETA will up your ass about this.
d) synch swimming. oh come on....bunch of woman who shaved their legs and are under water doing the jig with their legs. Is this some sort of pervert's cool leg fantasy? No no...this is not a sport either.

Stacy's Mom....WTF IS THAT VIDEO MAN!

Ok so on a fast rewind from youtube..i landed on the song "Stacy's mom"...and you look at the entire song and your like "they aired a MILF video picturing tweens ...and everything...and you like...where is the censorship doing when this is airing....god knows what stupidity right?

as long as im not the only one that saw that and said "WTF" and then "WOW" and finally "ROFL" its all good

TAXI.......f.u

Taxi....

Do you know what a Taxi is called? A Taxi cab is when you dont have a reliable friend to drive you around. Your friend will be humble enough to say "no tks for the gas" but if its 5$ or even 10$..hey in some cars, you can last 3 days with that!

Taxi is a rip off. It sometimes smell, you dont get good music on, and its not always a guaranteed you will to where you need on time.

Did i mention its over priced? To travel the KM for the service you might as well walked or bugged your non-alcoholic friend for a ride (of course once you wake him up only...because you dont want to ruin your non-alcoholic friend's evening by getting yourself trash and he/she has to pick up your shit)

Did you know going from one end of DT (lets say Atwater) all the way to Place des Arts its about a 7-10$ cab ride because of the lights. Thats about the equivalent of 2 coronas at a club.

With me...Booze will win everytime by decision.

Ever walked ...

Ok so this past friday was a slow night at the club.

You know when its a slow night when your resident DJ starts tinkering around with music and starting to rock it...literaly.

Throw out the RNB, HIP HOP, RAP, and everyting...

amp it up..and rock....BON JOVI...


WTF...it was one of them nights..dont ask..but them white folks out of town really liked jamming to it. What would i do...just drink it off? no ..unfortunately. I know the lyrics..so i shout out "you give love a bad name" BLEH

People Cant Drive.

We have maniacs on the road. We have road rage.

But lets be honest. How does road rage happen. PEOPLE WHO DONT RESPECT THE NORM OF SPEED.

It writes 70km/h on the highway..DONT DRIVE UNDER IT. Come on ...its the freaking hwy! Everyone knows its 100km.h minimum. Fine you dont want to get a ticket and go 110...I can respect that...but creating your own traffic...no no...you should get revoked or a ticket for driving too slow.

School zone is 30km/hr ONLY during school time!!!...DRIVE NORMALLY THE OTHER TIMES!

Come on now....with these kind of frustration no wonder people will honk...out manoeuvring you....think about it...i dont think you wouldnt honk at the loser in front who dont pay attention to the green light because he is jamming to a tune (chris rock joke on when to call someone a fagot)

WWE - XXV

Those who dont follow. Tomorrow is the WWE Wrestlemania 25.

Be Inspired

Be around people that inspire you. That's what I call progress. Be with positive thinking people and those who believe that life is endless.

This is the wise words of the Buddha.

Morons Part 1

As a designer, and someone in retail, we try to avoid dumb people.

However the world is full of them.

Here is a typical example.

we have an email address called: noreply.

which states clearly at the bottom of the email "this is an automatic email address, there is no one checking it..please use the other means by clicking on this link to communicate with us"

and what do you know? the inbox of noreply has 1461 msgs.

F.U.PEOPLE!

And people say im drunk.

Ok so alcohol is the root of many things: liver failure, liver cancer, blackouts, divorce, child birth, celebration, death, life...

Hey...so if im the Beer Buddha...the alcoholic guru...does that mean i am a higher being who creates life and death?

Salary increase request by P.Niss

So my friend Mae sent me this nice letter that P.Niss(pun intended) wrote, of course management responded.

Salary increase request:

I, the P.Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:

I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,

P. Niss


The Response

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request for
the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your
shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such
as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious
looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina



OK, NOW BACK TO WORK

How to destroy someone in 6 liquor.

Ahhh thus is the life of the Beer Buddha, to drink lots, to know the liquor....and to serve those who wants something different.

Now for those who would like to mimic me (however there is only one original B.Buddha) here is a quick way to destroy someone with 6 liquor.

#1) Bailey Base. Go for a B-52 or a B-50. Get some sweetness in first...get the "hey its tasty!"
#2) Kamikaze. Sour. KABAM!
#3) Bullseye. Tequila with Tabasco. Forget the wedge, only the good rodeos should last.
#4) JD base shot. (doesnt have to be the pure type). Ahh..the harder it goes, the harder the fall.
#5) Detox or Jagger Bomb. You need some spirit in you!
#6) Liquid Cocaine. The finisher. Of course this is just so that its easy on the liver. You can be purely evil and just hit it with a flame shot..those are killer.

Trust me on this. This is the easy way. I've done worse to people =)

Sunglasses In the Club

I dont care who you think you are, how fly you are. WHAT THE F*CK are you doing with shades in the club? ITS DARK ALREADY. Out of the blue you like Steview Wonders and decided "well he is a blind man that is smooth with the ladies, maybe i need to be blind too" JACKASSS!!!

No no no..there is absolutely no reason at all unless those glasses are night vision goggles in disguise to wear them in a club!

Facebook 101 - wow they made an article out of it!

Ok so everyone that i know has or used to have a facebook account. When i say "i know" i ment in my age range (give or take a few years above mine or under mine).

Out of the blue someone decided to give a FB101 lecture...for those who want to have a laugh...go ahead and click ahead:

http://www.switched.com/2008/11/13/facebook-101-25-tips-and-tricks?icid=aimDBDL2_link1-a

Drivers Wanted.

Who teach who how to drive?

I swear, everyone goes through the same test but yet everyone drives differently.

My complain comes to of course maniacs and slow drivers.

The one that has serious road range, who cant stay in their own lane and has to cut everyone off: You should get fined double. Hey, if i do it, i should get fined that high too. Whats this hurry to the point you might cause an accident? It doesnt make sense. Dont go 90 on a 50, if your in a turning late you should have been in the right one from the begining. Dont hold up the lane because your were lame.

Slow drivers: listen, you cannot seriously drive slower than the asking limit. IF ITS 100KM/HR on the freaking HWY, YOU MUST GO THAT SPEED. Dont create your own speed lane of 50 and under!!!! If i see a pair of knuckles because your an old citizen that is slouching on the seat...YOU DESERVED TO GET HONKED AT!

For the general saftey: i believe that the limit should be raised. Listen...all these people that get killed due to speeding i have one serious recommendation "STOP JAIL WALKING, AND BIKERS SHOULD FREAKING BE BANNED". As a driver my car has bigger impact REGARDLESS OF THE SPEED. I dont believe driving at 40km/h compared to 50km/hr will save anyone's life when my car weights a few tones. I believe that everyone should drive 60 in 50zones, and the HWY should be 110 and over.

Here is my logical sense: IF everyone drives a bit faster then we will get to our destination faster. No one actually wants to stay driving. So the quicker we get there, the less car there is, hence less accident.

There. Once again my flawless logic on society should prevail. Now if only i can get it in motion.

Video Games - medical thing

http://news.cnet.com/8301-10797_3-10206764-235.html

Recap of the article: video games might improve your eyesight...houray!...(as long as your not stupid enough to stare at it from close.

Wonder Woman - its called a woman's purse not a fictional character

You ever wonder what goes on in there.

How can someone have multiple purses but in every purse its a duplicate content of the other one. A man has 1 wallet. Fat and bulky unless its on recession. But the woman's purse..its a vortex. It has everything that they need in that hand bag. Pen, makeup, something that starts with a T that i dont like saying cuze its not something that i should touch, money (we hope), and countless more stuff....

I give top hat to those who dont believe in a purse.

HWY mayhem - 401

Traffic. Its something that all big city (NYC, LA, MTL, BC) experience but i never seen something so retarded was the 401 and the DVP (don valley parkway)

They have 4 Main lanes and 3 service road going in BOTH direction. Then the DVP has 3 lanes going south and north bound. ALL CLOG DURING TRAFFIC.

Bloody hell, what the heck is this.

The worse thing about this bordello you are forced to schedule yourself around traffic for this reason as there are no other real way to traverse the entire city from one end to the other without landing yourself into this mess.

Who was the bright founder of that city must have been smoking a huge bong. "Lets screw them up....we will place all real housing in such far away land and all the big company in a central concentrate area. Then to access the area we will build ONE single big road. I will be fair and have multiple lanes."

I swear..if this was SimCity...i would have love to see the gameover sign right now.

Types of Drunken people.

Drunken state...when you just dont know what the heck you are doing. Your wobbling sometimes or you just start randomly do and say things that normally you wouldnt. Its fun to watch but never fun to be one of them "hey remember this?"...."errr..no!!!!"

Now here are the explanations for why these types of druken people happen to exist.

The lightweight: 2 heavy shots and Wow...look at them fly!
I actually honor these people. People might think i am joking but i like these people. They are VERY light on the wallet. In the time where there is an economic crisis and your not getting as much cash flow, these people are in my books awesome. 8$ later and u get a heavy buzz? Come on now. Though the only flaw with these guys is that the Heavy drinkers might yell out Wuss. (i know i would)

The Chillax Drunk: About 4 glass down (or any combination of shots) you are buzzing and thats that.
These people are weird. They are there neither not to do anything but neither to release their control. I suspect these people are legions of designated drivers that try to get their buzz pretty early and then just enjoy the after effect till its time to get home when its gone. I call these people slightly weak. Its VERY responsible for a person to drive and not to get caught and its very important. However these guys are just pretender. They dont want to be in the lightweight but they try their best not to get caught in the middleweight. They tend to go hide in the corner and just be there. You ever seen this lonesome single guy just be at the bar that dont know anyone? All his friends are drinking off at the other section of the bar because he doesnt want to get strapped down and drink off the bottle. Poor guy. (but yet again i'll be the one that would yell out WUSS!)

The Middleweight drinker: the fun people.
If you are here, you are fun to be with. You can probably last the entire 5hrs of drinking...get a heavy buzz and enjoy gradually the decent into the realm of Chaos. You start off as a well mannered person. Still have the tie on maybe. then slowly with each passing hour something of yourself starts to get messed up: maybe your hair, your tie is probably ruined, some spots on your shirt off a vodka/cran and by the end of the night...you pucker up your lips for the last shot.. You know what kind of picture that turns out to be..your lips are extended and your tongue is out there trying to lick that glass. Ah good times.

The TANK: The one that keeps on going.
You know these guys, the one that has taken probably 6 tequila shots, 8 JD, still sipping on his beer and shouting "MORE!!!! U MAGOT!!!!". These guys are probably dangerous. Its heavy on the wallet and you dont know when will that extra drink that will unleashed the mayhem. A tank is not immune to drunkenness. He/she just take a lot of hit before getting. HOWEVER, it will never end well if you get the correct combination to make him KO. Then of course it be fun to mock that person and tell tales on how it was done. (oh god i dont know how many times i've told my cobra stories)

BMW: Bus Metro(Subway) Walk

If possible, i would ditch my car often enough and get a bus/metro pass. Its great, its cheap, and your not having to deal with the bs of traffic sometimes.

Too bad there are 3 flaws about the BMW(Bus Metro Walk) transportation system.

Flaw 1: It goes yet so far.
The Metro system expanded 2-3 new station in Laval district and now instead of taking 1 long bus and then the metro you can just dive in. I believe still there are other areas of the city that deserve the metro and its not laval. West Island is one of them. GOD DAMN PEOPLE OVER THERE LIVE FAR! You get off at Cote Vertu. Take one long ass 1hr bus ride to get to point claire. Now if you go out of your way to get there you are weird or very loyal to your friends but you must have some pity for those who trek all the way there to go to civilization (ie montreal) without a car! They should expand more outward in montreal and not laval.

Flaw 2: It smells.
People have B.O. Not enough people know about De-oderant or other stuff to at least mask your b.o or control it. The public transportation system needs to make a deal with those kind of product. Give away freebies, make a monthly package for valuable customers, give coupons, DO SOMETHING TO GET THE B.O PROBLEM IN CHECK!

Flaw 3: the frequency increase according to them is just not enough.
According to the transport system they say they have just increased the frequency of the bus and metro by 19%. Then why is it during the time where everyone is off and more tourism in the city, they decide to cut the number of carts in the metro system? How is that a genius of a move? Idiots.

No..they should increase it by 25% and i dont mean the core area, i mean the boonies...let the people who live in the farm land welcome to Montreal. I feel so sorry for those in the south shore who have to commute over 1hr to get to "the city". Its like a poor alabama girl living with Betsy the cow...and arriving to VEGAS.

change up those 3 and maybe your transport system might be a over all success...till then: Vroom vroom. (dont let me get started on T.dot's system...ass...7 lane Hwy and you still have traffic? pfff)

Laptop buying and the many emails i receive.

Ok for those who dont know - besides being an alcoholic (not that its a bad thing) I am also a Computer Guru.

Here is an interesting article made by Dan Ackerman a senior editor for Cnet.com and Crave.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10202852-1.html?tag=smallCarouselArea.1

this is about laptop buying and the meanings of one price tag to another and what does it really mean if you go from a 500$ laptop to a 1000+$ laptop.

In Summary: if you have basic needs like word processing and internet: 500-600$ is your price range.
601-800: the screen size and speed increase.
900+$: your paying for too much needless things to look cool and not have a desktop (but it will be heavy on both the system and your wallet)

Etiquette @ a Club

In Order....have respect for the business.

1)Arrive early enough to make guestlist if you bother to put yourself to be on guestlist. Whats wrong with people arriving on time for guestlist? You put and even asked yourself to be put on...dont complain if you reach 5mins before the list ends and there is a 15mins wait. The line did not magically appeared to make you miss the deadline. Worse thing is that you might have known about the wait and you decided to show up late anyways.

2)Dont try to piss the bouncers and jump the line. Because

a) A Bouncer is the last person you want to piss off.
b) It wont do you any good unless your willing to bribe

3)Do not try to be funky and fresh and go all over the place in a line up. Stay in the designated line segment...you will get yelled at eventually.

4)Keep your ticket for coatcheck in a place where you cant loose it. Its for your own benefit and not the staff. Yes it may make it easier but honestly who is the loosing end if you lost your ticket and you cant get your coat until the end of the night?

5)If you got some change after doing coatcheck just give it to them as tip. Come on now...where will that extra 50cents actually go? Is that the real deal breaker between a Molson Beer and a Corona? Get real. Think of it another way: staff will always remember a good tipper.

6)YOU ARE IN A CLUB TO DANCE/HAVE FUN/DRINK. Do not be a statue and cling to the walls. You dont want to start off your night by drinking already? Drink light and avoid beer unless that is your favor of the night.

7)Tip your bartender/barmaids regardless of what you buy. Remember the tip is for the service rendered. You will be appreciated for being the person who tip at an open bar when your not obligated to pay for your drink. Respect those who are rendering the service and you will get serviced. Next time you wonder why a bartender is ignoring you...try to remember if you've been an a$$.

8)Dress well. I dont care if that hoochie managed to bypass the blind bouncer. Its not a highschool dance-off. Dress clean, dress well, regardless of the club.

9)Shades are not ok. ITS FREAKING DARK ALREADY, you want to add? You want to say "hey if i was Stevie Wonders, how this would be...oohhhhhhhh". Kanye West Glasses are not fly either, its the same result. Just because it may look interesting, doesnt mean you got to do it!

10)Some clubs do get crowded, however it doesnt mean that you have to start to be pushy and make your own space. What is the deal with "making your own space"? Do you own the place? Are you that wide that you need the entire area so that 3 people can be next to you. Maybe you are really into "Move B*tch get outta way" and think its fun to push total strangers because you are grooving to the vibe. No, watch who you be pushing.

Buying Drinks at a restaurant.

If you are really thirsty here are the following guidelines to buy drinks at a restaurant without getting jipped.

1) If its a simple drink with 1 part liquor and 1 part juice/pop ask for it to be on the side. You want to make sure that 7.99 is really 1oz of booze and not some cheap parlor trick to pass off as booze.

2) Ask if they have a special double shot. Sometimes if your drink stuff on the rocks, the second shot if half price. Instead of asking two glass and paying more, just ask for a double to have a stronger buzz fast.

3)You can never go wrong with Beer if you just want a quick fix, however tell them to give you the bottle and a glass on the side. You can never be too careful about these things: You might just paid 5$ for foam.

4)It is better to drink wine with people so that the bottle per serving is cheaper. If you have a craving for it try not to pay attention to it much or else you'll break your wallet.

5) More than likely if you go to a restaurant they are more stacked on alcohol than a club. My suggestion is to experiment on those exotic drinks they have stacked up and enjoy. Why drink something that you can have at the SAQ or a club when its costing you a bit more.

Bakugan - (its pokemon on steroids)

Remember Pikachu and the Pokemons? Its already been 10+ years and with the new release of the DS game Pokemon Platinum - its still going strong. However the latest entry of "collect and play" is Bakugan.

Now - the only reason why i am writing about this is that i find it retarded. This product has no words more equivalent than retarded!

Let me explain in fewest lines possible: Bakugan is a show that gets aired about a group of people who try to save the world with Bakugan. Bakugan are categorized by different colors (ie worlds) and each type of have different powers. You play and you challenge. The better your cards/Bakugan the faster the win or the counter attack.

Sounds like a fun game right? Not if you have a kid that is willing to kill you in your sleep if you dont buy him a Pyrus(red) Delta Dragonoid II with Chrome Belt for 39.95USD!

"Wait...did you say 39.95USD for that piece of marble?" Yes, indeed i did say 39.95USD for a piece of marble. Which btw if you dont know it actually retails for 6-10$ at a local store IF they have it!

So yes this is where the retardness comes in. Back at the beginning of 2008(Jan) Bakugan phenomenon started. Kids love the show, the concept and wants some. Poor Walmart, TRU, and Zellers have to tell their clients "sorry the company only sent us a few and its all sold out". Thats when the kids starts planning on how to kill your ass with a blunt fork all in the name of a Ventus(Green) Skyress marble thing.

Kids like different colors: Fine. Kids like different Bakugan because it is afterall a game of strategy: fine. Kids are freaking crazy to think that their parents would spend over 100$ for a bunch of marbles that they dont understand: fine. Whats not fine is: the parents eventually cave and buy (by any means) the correct bakugan and at what ever price it is at! (bunch of saps!)

This was during 2008 Xmas. Right now in March: New season got announce, a whole new season2 line up of bakugan at the stores...wait ...they are still at the stores! Yeah..its because recession kicked in and the parents grew 2 new braincells call logic.

Shave that stuff b*tch

Okay, let me get something very clear out of the way. As RUSSELL PETERS would say: "We dont have a problem with the color of your mustache, we have a problem with the fact that you have one."

Thats right ladies: SHAVE YOUR SH*T PEOPLE.

ZERO Facial hair except your hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. The rest must go!!!
Do try and hide it by coloring. You already spend 1hr to get ready in the freaking bathroom...take an extra 5mins..take the blade and soap..and slice it off already.

Arms and Leges. If you fail to have time fine...at least wear pants and long sleaves...if we spot you got some hair over there...do not shout at us for making remarks on it ITS YOUR FAULT!!! Its our civic duty to remind you that its NOT OK for ladies to show body hair that makes you unlikeable!

Wax it, shave it, pluck it...dont care! You have to take care of that stuff.

Puberty right? Rule 1) learn about the period, rule 2) LEARN TO FREAKING CONTROL YOUR BODY HAIR. Thats it...those are in order Puberty for girl teens.

Stewie the Loan Shark

Classic

The Joy Of Family Guy - Stewie

Family Guy in my books Rank #2...only to be beaten by th pop culture known as The Simpsons (can you believe they went HD and have to redo their intro...wow.)

IGN.COM just posted their top Stewie quotes, ALL INSTANT CLASSIC.
http://stars.ign.com/articles/966/966753p1.html

Here are some excepts:

Line: "Listen you, I'll use these facilities when I'm damn well ready! Until then, you shall continue to sanitize my crevasse and be damn grateful for the opportunity! Starting right... [strains, then gives up] Well, not now... but soon!"

Line: "There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just... I want her... not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?'"

Line: "No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would've said, 'Oh, hey, Ray Liotta, is Olivia home?' You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash."

Tip?

No I dont mean advice. I mean the money.

When do you actually tip. When you actually dont.

Here is the break down.

You do not need to tip the 10% of your meal value after 50$. OMG thats a rip off right? No its not. You are going to get the same service if you order a chicken finger meal its about the same thing as the ribs.

HOWEVER i do believe in tipping. Its a service rendered. Also if the person does an awesome job, tip. Dont forget that the wagers of those who receive tip is less than those who are working regular job without tip. This is the trade off.

So here are the circumstances that i would tip or not.

Receiving Food/Delivery: Tip. 5$ at most...then i might as well order light.(Basically pizza guy counts...since my meal is made already)
Booze/Bartending: tip well and tip often. Dont be stingy too.
Coatcheck: tip enough because if you really like that jacket...you want it back.
Waitressing: You start off at 10%. Then it goes down a dollar every time you have to correct them. "Can i get a refill, can i get some water, how fast my food gets here...etc etc etc..." If they get 2$...they shouldnt bitch at the fact that i could have done everything for them.
Hotel: Not much...they are paid by the hotel to carry your bag. IF you decide to make it a chore..then fork over some $. Your the idiot who decided to bring the kitchen sink so pay up!
Taxi: Considering that i drive. IF they drive faster and have the faster lane...that is what i am paying for already. But i wouldnt go too far, but rather think not to do it again.

Alternative Names for Universities.

They say that Universities are a place for "Higher Learning. Higher Level of Education."

What a bunch of Bull Crap. Wrong wrong wrong. Your not learning French Lvl 21. English Lvl 18. Or Math 9.

They should actually rename Universities to: "Where Teacher Dont Care", "Fend for yourself now!".

Accurate though it should be called "Welcome to Reality Now."

You bust balls, you pay a lot of money...and what do you show for? Nada. What do i mean Nada? I mean you dont get money back. You just got stress..despair and then MAYBE if your lucky and dont have to take summer school 4 months of work opportunity or Vacay...a very long 4 month vacay. (i mean i dont know anyone who can take 4 months off! besides professional athelthes.)

Another good name for universities are "Make Alliance Now" Or "Time Management LIVE!"

Make Alliance Now: that is what University is there for. You must know who are the weakest link and who are the strong ones. Make sharp friends with the smarts. Keep the dumb one on the sides. Dont kill them off from your list of potentials because i betcha they are surveying the same venues as you. Trust me...University is all about Networking..even from parties. If you find out that there are people out there who just go out and have fun and manage to wing it and get a B avg....GOLD! Tell them they are your new master and you are willing to learn from the best!

"Time Management LIVE". You snooze, you loose. Trust me. You miss a class..and you basically screwed for a bit...you miss two..your really craped out. But hey...if you dont learn this now, when would you? Thats why this is time management LIVE. Its not Time Management Theory. Its live...time is ticking. You got 3-4 yrs to complete your degree before your fed to the real world...LETS GO!

Bad Facial Hair and Hair Combo

Bald Head/Go-Tee: Only Stone Cold Steven Austin can sport this and make effective.

The following valid reasons will tell you why your wrong
1) White: you look like a Hick
2) Black: you look like a thug
3) Asian: I would like to see this first.
4) Latino: accepted but possible some g@y stuff going on.

Spiked Hair/No Facial: Its widely done and some people do it well.

White: as long as your hair is not 3" long its ok...beyond that...you better be sporting a dog collar
Black: if your hair managed to get spiked you got some white issue...stick with dreadlocks
ASian: the word "Kamehameha" sounds about right. You will eventually need to adjust to the nickname "Spike". I know i did!
Latino: same rule as White except if you sport a scarf...i think you'd be packing.

Spiked Hair/Go-tee or mustache: its somewhat wrong but if your go-tee is trimmed or a soul patched i guess its ok

White: same as 1
Black: same as before
Asian: you try to be a triad warlord but only if you have some decent shades.
Latino: something smells like douchy

Dreadlocks: only works well with woman and black people.

White: you better be dating a black girl or else you got some issue
Black: you can sport it if it looks good
Asian: you better be borned in jamaica
Latino: latinas arent that bad....we always figure that the reason they have fine booty is that they are black decendent gone right. Men...sport your dreads at your own risk.

Long hair: eventually the economie is down the shit and you cant get a decent hair cut. Oh well.

White: some do well, some dont.
Black: you better be turning them into dreads soon.
ASian: Emo, rockers...jsut dont go pass the bruce lee look. if you go longer...then tie it nice into a pony.
Latino: no comments for the guys.

B.O - the mystery

So my friend Benny made a comment: "control the B.O".

2 things: 1 you live in t.dot. LAND of b.o because of a certain species. You cant complain until you move geographics.

2nd thing is: why do people refuse to acknowledge they have a B.O problem? Splashing some scent onto B.O just makes it worse. We dont have a problem with the smell of your B.O. We have a problem that you have it..and you tried to blend it with something that suppose to smell good. You know what that is called? Cross breeding and we dont like that stuff.

Now for those who responds "They should go take a bath" NOOOOOoooo...A bath is not cool. A shower yes. Not a bath. A Bath...is you polluting the water with your scent. So not only you did not resolve the issue but you just diluting it. What is a bath? Water in a confined area with Soap being optional. Where are you? dipped into your zest-pool. A shower on the other hand....is water..hitting you...cleaning off and into the drain IMMEDIATELY!!!!

So people: Take a shower in the morning/afternoon/night - when you can. and ASAP!

Buying drinks is a must when you are going out.

You heard right....if you dont buy a drink while "out". DONT GO OUT. Its just purely BS if go to a club and you have to count your change for entrace, dont have 2.50$ for coatcheck and all you do is do your tiny two steps on the dance floor and your not krunk. Pure BS. Why you even out then? You afforded that plaid shirt from the salvation army so you must be able to have 10$ for a drink.

Alcoholism - Its a skill

Alcohol is not bad.

Being an alcoholic is the bomb...as long as it stays in and you dont puke. Alcohol comes in so many flavor, you just need to experience it all. (BEER DOES NOT COUNT AS REAL ALCOHOL.)

Random Rants - If i rule the world

If I was the ruler of the world...or if my vote ounted 51% of the UN vote...here are my following cree:

1) A President of the USA can be at the seat for X years just like Canada.
2) Any thing Alcohol related should be government funded (houray for lower vodka, whiskey, and cognac branding!)
3) Women should have mandatory body hair check once a week.
4) Computers should have liscense just like how You need one to drive. (Hell...everyone keeps using cars as an analogy...so might as well tell people to go to school for the "ANY KEY")